This narrative was molded around the short story I recently posted in my other fanfic 'Elegant, Graceful, and Clumsy'. Because of a recent fic posting by fellow author Merk (you may know her as Mrs. Mercury Megatron), I was compelled to draft a similar set of quickie-shorts based on ten randomly shuffled songs. More details on how it works can be found on her set of shorts in '10 Typos for Awerewolf'.

The inspiration for this one story in particular was a song performed by Chicago by the name 'Hard Habit To Break'

A note to my usual readers: Updates for the previously mentioned fic up above (I shouldn't have to point) will continue once I am settled back into the college way of life.. (And after tossin' a few brewskies around with my homies, of course!)

So, without any further introduction, we begin...

Hard Habit To Break

Chapter One – Look Away

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Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection?

The pain of self doubt?

The pain of fear?

When it comes to pain surrounding love, one is more likely referring to the “add-ons” of love. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or an element of love. But experientially many know this simply isn’t true. Love is never painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt one feels doesn’t come from love, it comes from their doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy…

Perhaps it is because they feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with their relationships. Primary relationships are important to everyone, so they assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience..

But is this really true?

When an individual is fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are they truly experiencing a state of love? These emotions sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation.

If one felt empty before that one special person appeared in their lives, they fear the emptiness returning if that one leaves, so their staying with them becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to the two staying together. At some place in time there is a breaking point, where one just cannot let go and move on, even when they know and understand that there is little chance of their flame to be re-ignited…

It was a preconceived notion that proved true for one, and how he chose to deal with the pain of loosing the woman he cared most about. All because of one stupid mistake, she wanted nothing more to do with him.

He wanted to just carry on and forget the pain, but the pain would follow him. No matter where he went, or how far off the beaten path he had traveled, it would eventually catch up and find him. He wanted her to accept him into her life once more, but that was a foolish dream that he knew deep in his soul would never come true again.

Why couldn’t she just forgive him for his one blunder? Wasn’t it said that everyone was entitled to make one foolish mistake? He wanted to speak with her, to just get her alone once to tell her just how regretful he really was for the way he had acted.. But it was too late. His once strong relationship with her had fractured in all the wrong places, and the courage he needed to say what he felt in his heart didn’t exist any longer; it had left him, along with everything else he held close.

But Po couldn’t let Tigress go.. He just couldn’t, even though she had…

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Po sat silently on his bedroll, watching nervously as Tigress paced back and forth across the hardwood floor of his bedroom; he could sense the intense rage growing inside of her just by hearing her heavy footfall ringing through his sensitive ears. She couldn’t even pass him a glance.. Finally, after about what seemed like an eternity, Tigress promptly stood still. Po didn’t know what she was going to say to him, if anything at all.

She turned to him with an emotionless face, her eyes glinting like daggers into the very pensive panda seated not five feet from her. Almost instantaneously, Po hung his head down low, and prepared for the worst.

The female’s vocals seemed distant. “I thought I could trust you.”

The giant panda finally mustered up enough courage to lift his head and face her, a move he wished he hadn’t made.. Her eyes bore into his with a look of pure hate and malice, as if she wanted him dead. Po strained to let words flow from his mouth, but it proved too difficult, and he remained silent.

Tigress took several steps forward, now standing directly in front of him. His eyes darted back to the floor in defeat, he couldn’t face her, he just couldn’t do it.

Her anger surfaced at the absence of any sign that he was going to return some sort of answer. “You can’t even look me in the face, huh!? That just proves what little respect you have for our relationship!” She gritted her teeth and cupped her paw around Po’s chin, forcing his head up to face her.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen.. It was an accident!” He frantically retorted in his defense, much to Tigress’ annoyance.

“AN ACCIDENT? We go down to the village once together, and then you start gloating about our intimate relationship! What’s wrong with you?!”

Po’s mind raced to find any words he could say to build up his argument. He flew through the day’s situation and how it came to pass… He remembered taking Tigress down the steps from the Palace, they went to the teahouse for a quick drink, the gentleman sitting at the counter who ordered him sake… and then it clicked in his mind. “I had a bit too much to drink, that’s all! You’re gonna reel on me for being a lightweight?” He became more confident in his position, and stood up on his feet.

Tigress stayed in place, her position remaining firm and grounded. “You think it stopped at words? You threw yourself at me like a crazed lunatic; the owners ended up throwing us out of the place because of your immature behavior!!”

He was at a loss for an argument, and took a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves. It didn’t work. “Like you care; how many times have you thrown yourself on me, huh.. How about that!” Po mentally kicked himself in the stomach; he never meant for something like that to slip out.

Now furious, she let her open palm glance across his left cheek. “How dare you insinuate that I’m some kind of cheap, desperate tease! Even if what you said were true, I’d never pull that kind of stunt in public…”

Po stumbled back, almost loosing his balance. “Oh really!? Don’t be so quick to judge, Master Tigress!” His tone was openly sarcastic, only for him to receive another smack across his face. Only this time, she had used her claws, placing four lengthy slash marks on his left cheek. He clutched his face in pain and glared at her as she made her way towards the door. “Hey, don’t walk away.. We’re not through talking yet!”

She grabbed a hold of the door handle once she passed into the corridor, and without so much as a last glance, she muttered a few lasting words. “Yes we are; we’re finished.” Her voice was dark and absolute.

Slamming the door shut, Po was now left alone, dumbstruck by what she had just said. After a moment of hesitation, he skidded to the door, ripping it open with tremendous force. Although by now Tigress was already out of the bunkhouse, Po was met with several pairs of confused eyes, suddenly realizing that they had pretty much let an explosive argument go within earshot of the others, who had pretty much eavesdropped onto the entire ordeal. He only returned a cold icy stare.

“AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ALL LOOKING AT!?” He seethed, throwing the door shut, returning to the confines of his room. Plopping back onto his bedroll, he buried his face into his paws and let it all go. Deep down inside he just wanted her to forgive him for his mistake, but that was an emotional barrier that he wasn’t ready to break just yet.

--

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“…Excuse me, sir?” A calm soothing voice called out, jarring Po from his mind drift.

Swiftly snapping his eyes open, the giant panda vigorously shook his head to clear his thoughts. Tipping his hat up and glancing down towards the ground, he noticed a female rabbit standing next to him, carrying with her a piece of parchment clutched between her two paws. He managed to pass her a quick smile before finally letting it fall into a despondent frown.

“I-I’m terribly sorry, miss. I guess I was lost in my thoughts again.. Can I help you with something?”

She cocked her head slightly in confusion, but maintained an easy going expression on her face. “No, it’s quite alright; I’m just here to take your drink order…” Her calming voice eased the restless panda back into reality as he slowly collected his mind.

“Oh, right..” He let a soft sigh escape his lips before continuing. “I’m just going to get a cup of plain chamomile tea, if it isn’t too much trouble.” His eyes briefly glanced around the room he was seated in as she scribbled down his request.

“Alright then, just one cup of plain chamomile tea…” She looked up at him, and although most of his face was concealed by the wide brimmed straw hat that adorned the top of his head, and the dark green cloak wrapped around his torso, she wondered why he seemed so familiar. “I’m sorry for asking this, but I feel as if I’ve seen you before.. Do I know you from somewhere?”

Po froze, desperately trying to keep a steady disposition. He had forgotten that not too long after Tai Lung’s defeat, news of his victory had spread through many parts of Western China, making him one of the most easily recognizable figures of his time, even more so than the Furious Five themselves… “I think you may be confusing me with someone else. To whom are you referring, if I might ask?”

“It’s nothing really; you seem to fit the description of that one panda warrior from the Valley of Peace. I’m afraid I can’t really remember the namesake of the fellow; it’s been some time now since those stories of that battle came through here, as you can imagine…” She let out a soft sigh. “But I’m sure you’ve heard all about it.”

He chuckled lightly, the first he had let go of for a very long time. “Yes, I have heard the stories. It sounded like an impressive accomplishment, I’ll give it that much. But rest assured ma’am, I’m not the Dragon Warrior… Just a wanderer..”

“Oh, of course.. Well now, let me get your order in.” She gave him another transient smile as she quickly scurried across the room, disappearing behind a set of double hinged doors.

Po slouched back in his chair and tried to relax, breathing in the wide range of aromas that permeated the dining portion of the restaurant from the back room. A tiny smirk crept onto his face; it had sure been a long while since he had set foot in a kitchen… As a matter of fact, it had been a long time since he had gone into any public place. Shortly after Tigress ended their relationship, the painful atmosphere was just too much for the fledging Master to bear; he had left the Jade Palace without so much as a word to anyone, not even his own father. Po wanted to leave a note of his departure for the others to find, but was unsure if any of them, even Master Shifu for that instance, would take his apparent abandonment as a sign of weakness or self-pity. So he unwillingly opted to take flight without so much as a final farewell.

Of course to him, their opinions really didn’t matter much at all. He understood in his mind that without her in his life, no amount of support from Shifu or the others would make even the smallest difference; Po chose to live his life alone as a traveler, to wander on and carve out a new existence for himself, even though he knew deep in his heart that his very existence was meaningless.. Or so he led himself to believe.

He had roamed far outside the reaches of the Valley of Peace following his disappearance, out past the Highlands and through several treacherous mountain ranges, coming to settle in a remote village nestled in a region of lowlands just to the north of the Tibetan Plateau. During his journey, Po was frequently finding himself pitted against rogue bandits and robbers, something he had never before seen living back in the Valley.. He was able to fend for himself quite well, and managed over time to hone and refine his own improvised combat style from the ground up, taking advantage of similar techniques that he had used during his battle with Tai Lung. But being on the move on an almost constant basis with little or no food had taken its tool on the vigilante; though his new lifestyle toned his physique and replaced his once fat-ridden body with tensile muscle mass, he found his spirit immensely hampered by the fact that he had remained out of touch with his friends and family for almost two full years..

Po watched as the sprightly female waitress came across the room with a tray, giving her a diminutive smile once she had laid the ensemble in front of him on the table. “I apologize for the wait, but we’ve been having some trouble lighting the stove for the past several days.”

He paid it no mind and noted the assortment of rice cakes that were delicately placed on the serving dish, along with his tea. The giant panda pointed at the sweet confections with a slightly perplexed look crossing his features. “Um, I didn’t order any rice cakes…”

“I know.. they’re on the house. Enjoy.” With a quick bow, she quickly retreated to another table; a couple had just sauntered in through the front entrance of the eatery.

He glanced over towards the two newcomers as they exchanged laughs and a light conversation amongst themselves once they had gotten shown to their seats. Po watched them with envious eyes as he watched them share a kiss.. How he wished it was him in that position, spending just one moment with the woman he cared most about. But that thought only brought him more pain and sorrow..

Po wouldn’t admit that even two years after their relationship had ended, he just wasn’t able to shake her. He couldn’t get her out of his mind; she learned to live with it, but even though he tried valiantly to do the same, he never could. Tigress was always present in his life, his dreams, thoughts and hopes.. Everywhere. He loved her deeply, and still did to this very day.. And the affectionate display of loving emotions three tables over wasn’t helping the situation.

‘Just look away.’ He thought silently to himself.

Po thought it was revolting how they were getting intimate in plain sight of everyone else in the restaurant, which only reinforced Tigress’ argument for breaking up with him in the first place. Po pinched the bridge of his nose with this realization, and changed positions so that his back was now facing the happy couple.

With a barely audible grunt, he turned back to his tea, and with one delicate sip, he drifted back into the confines of his memories…

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To be continued…