Disclaimer: honestly? HONESTLY?!

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Like a Romantic Comedy

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Summary:it’s pathetic, and rather disheartening really, how even if you may hate romantic comedies, you just can't ever escape the, because if you do despise them with a passion of a thousand burning suns, as I do, your life will just turn into one in spite of you, as mine has.

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Challenge:write a story for the title “Like a Romantic Comedy”

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Chapter I: I hate men

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“Wotcher, Evans, you’re looking rather fetching today,” James greeted—more like chirped—as he took a seat by my side.

“Mph,” I grunted morosely as I threw my head into my arms, banging it into them repeatedly—as, really, it’s just stupid to bang your head into a table given the sheer amount of brain cells you lose with that method. This one’s much better, much safer and even has the same calming effect—one that can only be attained through some, literally, mind numbing activity.

I could practically feel the amused smirk he sent my way, regardless of how irrational that may have been. “What, no inspirational quote of the day?” he asked, a slight undertone of befuddlement to his words even as he chuckled at my actions.

Prat.

No, change that to mega prat. In fact, he’s just so… pratty that I’ll slap him if he doesn’t shut up soon.

God, I hate that bastard.

“Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels, Thomas Carlyle, how’s that?” I asked as I raised my head to look at him, unable to help retain the slight growl at the sight of him watching me with those, bloody, amused eyes of his.

Bastard.

“Rather depressing actually.”

Even bigger bastard.

“Tough.”

“You know at the rate you’re going I may start to think you don’t want me here.”

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics; damn conceited blokes like him are the last thing I needed then. I was in wallowing mode, why couldn’t he just be a good little boy and just get me some damn ice cream?

“Go to hell.”

At those words I heard a deep chuckle, one that was just a tad bit too deep to be the arse's, and turned around to see who it was that seemed to be so fascinated by the show James and I were putting on.

Upon seeing him, however, the only thought that ran through my mind was a rather disappointed ‘figures.’

“Why are you all everywhere? Can’t I ever just get some peace and quiet, is that really too much to ask for?” I asked with a groan before returning to banging my head into my arms—only my arms start to hurt then, and I had found myself in a bit of an impasse.

Damn.

“Come on, Lils, what’s got you acting so pissy this fine morning?” Remus jovially asked me as he took a seat by my side.

Great, now I’m surrounded by them. Good God, this is just turning out to be one hell of a morning. Extra emphasis on the hell, at that.

“I hate you—both of you—you and your morning person…ness and him and his… well just all of it in general as far as he’s concerned.”

James actually had the nerve to “tut” me upon hearing that. “Now, Lily, where are your manners?”

“Oh go and find your slag and have some morning fun if you’re all jolly, just leave me alone!” I snapped at him in annoyance.

I think that’s what did me in with him, for the first time in… well, ever he was actually offended by something I said. And so with a huff and a puff he was off… to see his slag no less. I don’t think he realized that if he was going to follow with the movements then the fable specifically required that he actually blow my house down.

But, then again, he always was a tad bit slow.

“Seriously, what’s got your knickers in a twist?” Remus finally asked in as low drawl, effectively drawing me out of my reverie; which, admittedly, probably was for my own good seeing as strange and scary things seem to go on in my head…

“Well it'd be quite hard for them to be seeing as I’m not wearing any.”

He grinned widely, his eyes flashing with clear amusement. “Dully noted, but unless you’d care to show me that nice little sight I recommend you get on with the story before I sick Padfoot on you.”

“That’s just mean.”

“That’s life—and those are your words too, not mine.”

“You’re a bastard, you know that?”

“And you’re a right bitch this morning, what a great pair we make,” he retorted with a sarcastic undertone to his words that I couldn’t help, but scoff at.

Cor, I hate how quick witted he is.

“Just say it, Lils, I hate having to put up with you when you get lost in that little world of yours. God knows what’s up there—in fact, I think he’d be a bit too scared to even want to try to find out.”

“Thanks,” I monotonously responded.

Look at him acting as if he’s some vicar, as if he knows anything about anything, damn smug bloke. Merlin, I hate men.

“Oh cheer up and tell uncle Remus what’s wrong,” he chortled, flicking my chin lightly to force me to raise my head.

Abusive, another thing to add to the long list of reasons I want to kill Remus “Moony” Lupin.

“Come on, Lils, you know you want to,” he continued to goad me with a slight wink—one that, despite how attractive he may be, he had never been able to pull of properly. There was always just something about it that made it look like he was having a spasm of sorts more than anything else.

I never did have the heart to tell him that.

Plus, it’s a damn hilarious sight.

“Fine,” I stopped him, quickly growing tired of his prying—so much so that I didn’t even realize what I had just agreed to. So, with a clench of my jaw a very irritated glare sent his way, after all, he had just conned me into doing as he had asked, I finally told him.

I finally told someone.

“I’m in love with James.”

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author’s note: so it’s hot— too hot, really— and with nothing to do, since it’s too hot for me to even bring up the energy to get up, and after such an emotionally taxing fic like Lift-Side Chats I felt like having a little fun. That, I’m afraid to say, combined with a very high coffee high soon birthed this.

Hope it wasn’t too crazy, I definitely have my reservations about it, but, hopefully, if anything, it can at least be a good laugh for the sheer stupidity of it.