Title: Borrowed Time

Author: ladyakako

Character/Pairing/Group: Edward/Bella with one-sided Jacob

Rating: PG

Summary: Jacob comes back right before the wedding and while Edward is hunting comes to speak to Bella, but finds himself at a loss at how to communicate with Bella when he is on borrowed time and all her thoughts are on her future with another man.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Author's Note: Part of a collection inspired by A Fine Frenzy’s album “One Cell In The Sea”. Each one-shot is a stand-alone piece.

This is short and I’m not really sure how well it goes along with the song, but it kind of took on a life of its own. It was more lyrics-driven than sound-driven, definitely.

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“The end is near, I feel it dear,
But I am not afraid
Step, step right over the line
And onto borrowed time
When it's life, not waiting to die
Waiting to divide to divide”

- “Borrowed Time” by A Fine Frenzy

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My hand closed on a nearby branch, disturbing the icy frost that had settled on its bark, and I recoiled at the sudden chill my fingers experienced. I pulled my hand up to my mouth and blew my warm breath across the knuckles in an attempt to dispel the cold, thinking ruefully to myself that maybe one day I wouldn’t have to be so worried about catching pneumonia because I would be as cold as the ice on the branch.

I was standing on the very brink of the woods that rimmed my house, staring into the darkness that had already almost entirely swallowed the foreboding trees that stood to guard the secrets of the woods.

Dimly, I recognized his car growl into the driveway somewhere behind me, but I didn’t bother moving this time. I had come to accept that he would be over here much faster than I could ever get to him to greet him at the door. Since he had come back, I had noticed a change in him and I doubt he would have welcomed a big hug from me like he used too. Besides, my head was too full of Edward today to do that anyway.

“What are you doing out here?” his soft, warm voice was sharply curious as he questioned me from behind. Although I jumped slightly, I didn’t turn to look at him. Instead my eyes focused on the frost I had disturbed earlier with my grasping fingers. I wasn’t quite ready to explain the pitiful reasoning behind my excursion out here.

I shook my head after several moments of sustained silence, knowing that my voice would crack if I tried to answer him. He sighed heavily and I snuggled deeper into my jacket, trying to hide my discomfort in the bulky outlines.

“Don’t you ever get tired of waiting for him?” His voice had shifted to a darker, bitterer tone now and I inwardly winced to hear it. Finally, I gathered myself and turned to look at him. My cheeks flushed with involuntary color at the intensity of the disapproval that shone from his dark eyes.

I felt shame sliding through me as his black eyes accused me and suddenly I felt very ridiculous standing there.

“Yes,” I sighed in defeat and blinked back a few tears. Then, I added more quietly to myself, “But, soon I won’t have to wait for him.”

Jacob twitched visibly and I knew that he had heard me. I saw him shift his weight and pulled my arms tighter around myself. Even though I had felt much more whole since Edward had returned, when he left I still felt as if sometimes I would simply come apart. He had become the glue to my entire existence.

“Bella, please don’t talk about that,” he pleaded after a moment and I fixed my stare into the darkened woods. Selfishly, I wanted to look anywhere but my friend’s pained face. My eyes traveled upwards to the stars and as I concentrated on breathing steadily as I aimlessly counted the few stars that pricked the horizon.

“What would you like me to talk about then, Jake?” I asked even though I knew I was only making it worse for him by doing so. I was stirring the embers of his hate for Edward by even mentioning the possibility.

“Anything but him,” came Jacob’s harsh reply.

On pure impulse, I struck back with my own harsh words.

“There’s not much else in my life besides him anymore.”

The words tumbled from my lips before I curb them and instantly a felt a small stream of regret begin to bleed into the stronger current of frustration that coursed through me.

“Believe me, I’ve noticed,” Jacob remarked bitterly. “Every time I come see you now, I feel like I’m on borrowed time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I murmured, but inside I knew he was right. My thoughts were never fully with Jacob anymore. My brain was constantly running to Edward and the life that awaited us when I was turned. It was becoming an unhealthy obsession.

“I shouldn’t have to feel like I owe him anything, but every time I see you now, I do. Damn it, Bella,” Jacob sighed and I heard him snap a twig in his hand, but still I didn’t turn my head to him. “It’s like you’re his and his alone and he condescends to let me see you occasionally. Do you know how that feels?”

“Jake,” I pleaded quietly. My count of the stars above me increased as I stubbornly glued my eyes to them. My hand found the branch I had disturbed earlier and clung to it. I barely even felt the cold anymore.

I heard him sigh again and throw the twig to the ground. He started to say something more but stopped himself with another sigh.

I felt him leave by the sudden chill in the air and I finally tore my eyes away from the cloudy sky to watch his retreat. His car door slammed shut and I wondered why he had bothered with driving it over anyway. It would have been faster to run. My brain faintly registered that he had talked about bringing Billy over tonight. Charlie would have to take him home now. It didn’t look as if Jacob was coming back anytime soon.

I was left with my scattered thoughts and observations as he drove quickly away, his Rabbit sputtering down the road. He would be over the boundary line again in less than five minutes at the speed he was going and out of my reach until he decided to visit again. If he decided to visit again.

I hugged my arms around myself, but the pain had dulled itself by now. The cold was seeping into my skin by now and my nose was dripping. I was tired and freezing by the time he finally came.

“Bella?” His voice was like a bell even in its worried state. “Why are you outside?”

“Waiting,” I answered simply and he smiled gently although his golden eyes shown in curious concern for me. He led me to my door and kissed my forehead promising to meet me in my bedroom and I smiled for the first time that evening. I shook off all stray thoughts of Jacob and the cold and filled the rest of my head with Edward who had finally come home to me.

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Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? All are welcome.

Any particular song you’d like to see next?