Written as a gift for fifthofdecember LJ community twilightsanta, but I thought I’d share it with all of you.

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Picking up the last of my dirty t-shirts off the floor, I wondered if I should pack them. Should I pack anything? Or would this new life come with all of that? My wedding was fast approaching and I found myself reflecting more and more on not only who I was leaving behind, but what I was leaving behind. In the last few days, I found myself staring at my yellow walls more and more, trying to memorize every crack in the paint, every knick in the walls.

I sighed, throwing the t-shirts onto my bed spread in the ever-growing pile of random possessions that I had been gathering from other surfaces in my room for the past hour and a half. Possessions I knew I wouldn’t need. Things I wouldn’t even remember in two weeks’ time. Objects whose significance I could hardly bring myself to recall now. But still…things that seemed important.

Things I didn’t want to let go.

I had been half cleaning all afternoon, partly because I couldn’t see Edward until late tonight and partly because I didn’t want to think anymore about what would happen after the wedding. Although it didn’t deter most of the doubt from creeping into the corners of my subconscious, it did keep my hands busy. And now, as a result, I had a huge pile of nothing sitting on my bed, looking somehow expectant in a way that only inanimate objects could.

I sat down on my worn pink comforter and pulled some of the junk towards me. I threw aside a few items of clothing and delved into the stack of papers that had managed to drift in a million different directions since I had first set them down. I flipped through them half-heartedly.

Calculus homework. English paper. Order forms. Newsletter. History notes. Countless school assignments that I hadn’t even bothered to throw away after my graduation two months ago. Nothing that would ever really matter to me in the future. After all, wouldn’t I be repeating high school indefinitely? I threw the papers to the floor and they swished as the fan caught them briefly.

I ran my hand over a few of the other knick-knacks recalling their stories to my mind. The pebbles from Jacksonville’s beach that my mother had sent me as a reminder of the warm summer days that I was missing. A copy of Wuthering Heights that looked as if the binding might fail soon. A tiny snow globe with a ballerina inside and the glitter resting like sediment on the bottom.

Lastly, my hands picked up a small, barely used photo album that I didn’t need to even open to know what was inside. There were only two pictures that I had ever even bothered to place inside. One was Edward, alone and smiling in my kitchen and the other was a much more somber one of the two of us in the living room. I hesitated to place it back with the rest of the stuff but I knew deep down I wouldn’t need those pictures anyways. I was going to get to spend the rest of eternity with the picture’s subject and they hardly did his unbelievable face justice anyways.

My duffel bag with all of the things I intended to actually bring with me to the Cullen house contained only a few changes of clothes. I had left the rest of my somewhat limited wardrobe in the drawers or closet untouched. I figured that Alice had probably already figured something out that didn’t even include my clothing at all anyways, so I had packed lightly not wanting to fight with her anymore about it.

I pushed aside everything on my bed, sending several things flying to the floor, and hoisted the over-sized bag up. With a sigh, I realized that there was nothing much other than clothes that I could pack. The Cullens had more than enough things to make up for the lack of mine. I cast my eyes around the room once more before zipping up the bag.

I spent the rest of the day contemplating every excruciating detail of what Charlie would make of me leaving him. I knew that it was the only way. A clean break, as Edward had put it gently to me, but I still winced at the thought of breaking anything. It was hard knowing that I would probably break my father’s heart with this choice.

Edward had made plans for us to go on a “honeymoon” after the marriage which we would never return from. My stomach turned uneasily at the thought but I breathed in deeply to dispel the feeling. It wasn’t even the disappearance that made me the most nervous anyways. It was the entire marriage issue. I knew deep down that I was only uncomfortable with it because I had been told my whole life to wait until I was older, but I was sure now that my mother had never dreamed I would meet someone who was so completely my soul-mate at eighteen. Surely, if my parents could understand how complete Edward made me feel then they wouldn’t look so disappointed in me every time the wedding was brought up in a conversation. They had to know that I chose Edward because he was everything to me. He breathed meaning into my life and without him I’m not sure who I would be.

I was sure that by choosing Edward I was giving up everything that could have been my life, but I didn’t care anymore. I could have very easily walked a different path, married a different man, maybe even Jacob, but by going with Edward now, I was rejecting anything and everything that could have been. It didn’t matter though. I couldn’t bring myself to agonize too achingly over the prospect of an alternate future because the prospect of seeing Edward’s face next to mine for an eternity was so bright that no other path could hold a candle to its glow.

For the rest of the day, I drifted around the house in a half-dreamlike state. When it neared dinnertime I prepared a meal that I knew I wouldn’t eat. It was really only for Charlie, I couldn’t have eaten even if I was hungry. When Charlie got home I would just tell him I had already eaten. He probably wouldn’t ask any questions. He rarely did these days.

He would be home soon, I knew, so I began to compose myself as I had let my nerves guide me all day long. If I continued to let it show, he might strike up a conversation and bring up all the topics which I didn’t want to talk about. He seemed to sense to that this wedding was more significant than it seemed at first glance and in a thousand little ways, I felt like he was saying goodbye to me a little more every day as the time before the ceremony slowly trickled away.

When he got home, I fixed him a plate of the casserole I had made and sat down at the table with him in silence. He cleared his throat to ease the silence and I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

“Going somewhere special tomorrow?” he asked gruffly after he had had a moment to swallow a mouthful of his dinner. I shook my head in response, not trusting my voice to respond without quavering.

My mouth had turned to cotton and I rubbed my neck nervously as I watched Charlie scarf down his dinner. After several more, long awkward moments, Charlie cleared his throat again and announced he would be watching some football game or another. I nodded, glancing at the clock on the microwave which reminded me unblinkingly that I still had hours before Edward was due back from his hunting trip.

I wandered into the living room where Charlie already had the game on, completely absorbed. I sat down carefully in the armchair and settled in for the evening, knowing I had nothing else to do. My day alone had taken care of every last minute thing my mind could even hope to conjure. Anyways, I was content to spend one of my last days with Charlie in silence. After all, that’s how our relationship had really started anyways. I remembered the car ride to Forks from airport two years ago with a small twinge. The uncomfortable air had been thick with unspoken questions, some of which were still unanswered on both sides.

So much had changed since then, I mused. It was almost surreal to think that I was the same Bella I had been when I had arrived in Forks, but somehow, I was still the same person. Now I was just hopelessly and irrevocably in love with a vampire. It wasn’t exactly part of the plan when I had moved to Forks, but I wouldn’t have changed any of it.

I knew one thing, if I hadn’t moved here and met Edward, my life would be meaningless. A moonless night, as Edward had once put it. Only I didn’t even get the benefit of a few stars as he had to guide him; I had had to stumble along blindly until I came across his perfection.

The game that we were watching, which by all rights should have dragged on, flew by without any real marking of time. I found myself staring at the TV blankly when it suddenly shut off and Charlie was talking to me. It took a moment for my ears to discern anything except the familiar, warm hum of his deep voice.

“…hope you find something to do tomorrow,” he was saying as he stifled a yawn. I smiled half-heartedly and swallowed the lump forming in my throat as I realized fully this would be one our last nights together. I fought back tears with a vengeance and nodded fiercely to myself. “Goodnight,” he added, reaching across the couch to ruffle my hair. As he stood, I rose and caught him in a hug.

“Goodnight, Dad,” I whispered softly. He wrapped his arms around me hesitantly and squeezed for a moment before letting go and heading upstairs. I watched him until he disappeared and then sank into the armchair again. I knew I should go upstairs because Edward would be here soon, but right now I didn’t feel I even had the strength to make it all the way up to my room.

I sniffed back the burning tears and sat there trying to compose myself for several long minutes. I had known that it would be hard to say goodbye to Charlie but this wave of nostalgia was still difficult to cope with. It wasn’t fear that overtook my emotions, just sadness at what I was losing. The anguish had never really occurred to me fully, even though I had always been aware of its presence. But this was my decision. Edward was my decision, now and forever.

When I had gathered up the edges of my scattered mind, I stumbled to my feet and shuffled slowly up the stairs, drinking in my last few glimpses of the cozy house that had been home for two years now. I hoped silently that I would at least retain some faded memory of this place after my change was over.

I hadn’t been in my room long before he climbed silently inside. His sudden appearance barely even made me start and I felt the ball of tension I had been clenching so tightly slip away from my inward grasp as his presence calmed me immediately.

I ran to him and threw myself into his arms, reveling in the instant chill that thrilled through me. He sighed and stroked my hair, wordlessly taking stock of everything I had packed in the room. He guided me over to the bed where he sat me down.

His burning eyes looked down at me intently before he asked gently, “Are you sure you’re ready to leave?” His voice was rougher than usual, full of emotion, but it was still bell-like in its beauty.

“I’ve always been ready to leave with you, Edward,” I answered without even a thought. My own words startled me, I hadn’t known I had them inside of me, but it was the undeniable truth.

I had been waiting to leave with Edward and start a life with him since the very first moment I saw him. And now, I finally was. Edward studied me for a long moment, his eyes filled with an unspeakable sadness.

He nodded after several minutes of stillness and hugged me close to him, sending a fresh chill rushing through my veins. I breathed in his delicious scent and squeezed him tightly to me. He buried his head gently in my neck, his lips ghosting along the tender skin there before he pulled my face to his. I kissed him back without a trace of hesitation, eager to let him know that he was my choice now. He was my choice forever.

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